Create Change in your life

Henry Ford once said, ‘if you think you can or if you think you can’t, you’re right’, and he of course correct because whatever we say in our own life ultimately is the way things will be. Saying the words ‘I am’ has a powerful effect on your life and the way you live it. When looking at logical levels of change, your identity is at the top of the tree. Whoever you identify with will affect your beliefs, your capabilities, your behavior and finally your environment.

Levels of change:

1. Identity
2. Beliefs
3. Capabilities
4. Behavior
5. Environment

Depending on what you identify with, it can be good or bad.

Let’s say you want to start writing, until you start identifying yourself as ‘a writer’ as opposed to somebody who just writes, there will be in congruencies in your behavior, you will not really believe you are a writer. You may find you get stuck and are unable to move forward. You may even stop writing altogether, not quite believing you have what it takes to become a writer.

If you say you are ‘a writer’ then you will already believe it, you are already saying you have the capabilities to write, and your behavior will indicate this. While you don’t have to say you are a writer to write every day it won’t hurt, and there are many people who if they knew you were writing daily would call you a writer. You don’t necessarily need to have a book published to call yourself a writer. As long as you identify with being a writer your actions and beliefs will follow suit. If you say that you aren’t a writer than you may find you lack the self belief to take steps to get your work published.

While there is power in saying something positive ‘I am a writer, I am kind, I am successful in my job’ (the power comes from the way you actions and beliefs change as a result of what you say), the negatives can be just as powerful.

‘I am an idiot’, ‘I am a failure’, ‘I am lacking in confidence’, ‘I am lacking in ideas’, ‘I am lazy’. Can you think of any others you say to yourself?

1. Identity
2. Beliefs
3. Capabilities
4. Behavior
5. Environment

If you identity with ‘I am lazy’, what do you think will transpire in your life when you say that? Let’s say you want to start a business, great! You see the future, working for yourself, the money coming in, the feeling of satisfaction that you created your own destiny, you believe you can do it, and that you have the necessary capabilities, but wait, you have always seen yourself as somebody who is lazy, how are you going to make it all happen knowing you are lazy?

Of course you would like to run your own business but you’re lazy so it is equally important to sit around wasting hours not doing very much? After all isn’t that what being lazy is all about? Good luck with getting the business started lazy bones.

A slightly more useful identity would be of someone who is proactive in taking action. For example instead of ‘I am lazy’, say ‘I am pro-active in getting work done on a daily basis’.

See how your behavior and capabilities change when you say that?

You do realize you chose what to say to yourself, don’t you? If you aren’t getting or haven’t been getting the results you want for yourself maybe you need to change something? And perhaps you need to change what you say to yourself each day before you get out of bed? While you travel to work or while you are walking to the shops etc.

If you are happy with the way things are in your life, carry on doing what you are doing, if you’re not, then change what you do. Or at least understand that your life will not change until you do alter your behavior and for the purpose of this article in particular your identity.

Listen out for when you say ‘I am’, I am this or I am that. If it is not constructive, immediately change it.

Change ‘I am not confident’ into ‘I am confident of myself and my abilities to get things done and handle everything that comes my way’.

Instead of ‘I am a failure’, say ‘I am a success, I have achieved much in my life and I have what it takes to achieve a lot more’.

Unfortunately the mind will always dwell on the negative, it takes effort sometimes to be positive but the long term benefits will be there for all to see.

The images you make, the sounds you hear in your head have a direct impact on your productivity, and indeed your life, make sure you have all yours working for you rather than against you.

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Beliefs about your identity

We all have negative beliefs about ourselves and what we are capable of, yet how many of us have actually asked ourselves what exactly we are identifying with when we speak about our capabilities? How exactly have we managed to believe this and why? Has the belief you hold served you well up to now, will it serve you well in the future. Does it empower you in any way at all?

Here are some example negative beliefs and ways you can reframe them.

I won’t be able to get out of debt; I’ll probably be paying off my credit card forever.

Do you really want to be labeled as somebody who never managed to get out of debt and was al

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Do you know what happens when you think about bad negative things? It leads to an unhappy life. If you find yourself doing this, ask yourself just how bad is your life right now? For a lot of people (me included), even when their life isn’t that bad, they still chose to think that it is. Why do you think bad thoughts if there is nothing really bad about your life? Do you realize that you will get what you think about most.

Generating bad depressing thoughts will not get you where you want to be. They will make yourself and your life miserable. What exactly is so bad about having a good time that you chose instead to fill your mind with lots of depressing thoughts?

If the future you are thinking about does not inspire you, motivate you or fill you with excitement, you are thinking the wrong thoughts. Stop this, right now!

If what you are doing isn’t working, stop and do something else.

Why do people waste what could be an amazing life for something that is far far less?

Everything in your life comes from what you think about it. So if you are thinking about things that make you feel unhappy you will lead an unhappy life.

Take a look at your life right now, what have you got to be thankful for? List 5 things that are personal to you that you can be grateful for.

Now how does that list make you feel?

Slightly happier perhaps
A little less grumpy or miserable
Has it put a smile on your face

When you do start feeling low, stop and look around for all the things you can be thankful for.

Don’t dwell on the things that make you unhappy, get up, take a walk. Focus on what you have got and the ways you are going to manifest what is currently missing in your life, if indeed anything is.

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When push comes to shove and the reality of our life being in our own hands starts to sink in, how does it feel? Slightly scary, perhaps? When we are no longer relying on anybody else for our survival, by way of a standard 9-5 job that we have had for a while, or our salary that we have become accustomed to, or anything else for that matter, all of sudden we may begin to think slightly differently about everything?

We might find ourselves saying the following things; ‘Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea?’ ‘Maybe I’m better off working in my old job, at least I knew where I was each week, what to expect? etc’ ‘I seemed to have a much better grip on my reality, I felt slightly more confident about my life when I worked for somebody else.’

It all seemed like such a good idea, the opportunity to take control of your life, it appeared like it was the best thing for you to do. It all made sense not so long ago.’

Then all of sudden, things start to become a little less clear, maybe the grass isn’t always greener on the other side? ‘

What happens?

Self doubt creeps in and the voice of uncertainty speaks, or rather you give it centre stage with a microphone. The voice says ‘Are you sure you can do this?’ ‘Maybe it’s better if we carry on as we are for just a little while longer.’ ‘I am not sure this is really the right move?’ ‘You are risking a lot here?’ ‘Let’s come back to this in a few years time.’

In a bid to prevent yourself from any anguish, you suddenly take the step of not doing very much work towards making it all happen for yourself, so you can then prove to yourself that you were right and that it was all a bad decision. You should have just stayed where you were.

Is it possible that your mind really does work like that? That if you have any doubts at all, your behavior suddenly changes in a way to prove the doubts that you had to be correct?

The fact is if you don’t use your mind in a positive way, it will more often than not start thinking of ways of being negative.

When you are faced with having your own destiny very much in your own hands, it can suddenly change how you feel about things and yourself. Everybody’s fate is in their own hands, but how many people ever get to experience it first hand? (For example, working for themselves) Or even want to experience it? How many people are just going along with their accepted lives, accepted destinies, letting life dictate to them, instead of the other way around? Grateful that they have jobs. For some this may be a perfectly acceptable way to live, but for others it may not be. Instead they want to carve out their own reality, one that suits them and their own desires and wants.

Being the architect of your destiny is not an easy way out, it will not fall into your lap from you just wishing it come true, it will take work and effort on your part to manifest the parts of your life that aren’t there. But when you do and you see for yourself how it is possible and how it can be done you will be glad you did, and the rewards will more than make up for the effort you put in to get there.

It is potentially a powerful position to be in, but it should not be taken lightly, be serious about making something happen for yourself or don’t bother at all, instead go back to what you were doing before. Self doubt is natural, but don’t fall at the first hurdle, there will be obstacles coming up, you are just going to have to deal with them.

At some point previously you obviously thought that more than what you had was possible for yourself, so now with your fate in your own hands, go full tilt, head first and give it some effort. Keep the goal very much in focus, and when doubt creeps in don’t listen to it, instead do something to work towards your goal.

Deep down you want to do this, you really want this to be a success and you know that if the change you are working towards were a success it would change you and your life for the better. Sure nobody said it was easy but how much harder will it be later on in your life knowing that you didn’t at least have a go at creating something for yourself.

If you do find yourself in this position don’t worry because there will be plenty of people who also didn’t so you’ll be in good company. But imagine this; will it be harder to live with yourself knowing that you gave up at the first attempt? The going started getting a little tough so you thought ‘no this is not for me’, ‘time to look for a new job’, ‘time to re-think my strategy’, or whatever.

Once committed to the change and once you start working towards your goal you will be getting closer each and every day, when you do this you will always be closer to your goal than you have ever been in the past. So instead of listening to the self doubt in your head, stay positive and focused and always remember to keep moving forward in life.

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Do you spend time being negative? Looking at things in your life in a negative way? Do you think negative thoughts about your life and your future life? Do you sometimes feel like just giving up, or giving up on yourself? When I think negatively I don’t think about my goals in a very positive way at all. Negativity causes me to cloud my thoughts in a bad way and think too much about what won’t happen or hasn’t happened in my life. Not a very useful to state to be in, I’m sure you’ll agree.

I mean what’s the point to this?

It is pointless and stupid to do this, all you are doing when you do this is allowing your mind to focus on negative things which of course it will do. The mind will focus on whatever you want it to focus on.

Instead of thinking of all the plans I have and dreams for the future, when I think negatively I immediately lower my sights of what I think is possible for me. Instead I dwell on my limitations, think of my past in a bad way and think that my future will turn out like my past or maybe even worse.

Negative thinking will crush you, it will take your life to exactly the place you don’t want it to go.

Of course it’s easy to talk about negativity but what do we do to get rid of it? After all we all feel down sometimes don’t we? Certain events can trigger off a string of bad thoughts about ourselves. We are human, sometimes we find ourselves at the mercy of our thoughts. But we shouldn’t, we shouldn’t let this happen, we shouldn’t let our thoughts control us like this, it’s useful to remember that when you are on a path of self development, the mind is there for you to use anyway you want. Your mind is capable of taking you to the highest highs; it is also equally capable of taking you to the lowest lows.

Make sure yours doesn’t take you to the latter.

Negative thoughts taken to the extreme can be seriously bad for your health ie suicidal thoughts. What is really happening here? It is you thinking such hopeless thoughts for the future that you don’t perceive that there is anything worth living for. Perhaps you harbor a belief somewhere that you don’t actually deserve to succeed, that you are only worth a miserable existence and that is all you will ever have. Hey! We are all worth more than we already have and everybody deserves a shot at something better. Stop hating yourself and thinking this way.

If this is something you can identify with, what do you do to break out of it?

Negativity is like a poison that can ruin the human spirit and suck the life right out of you. Negativity comes from living in your mind far too much, either in the past or the future and feeling powerless to do anything about it.

There is only now and that’s all there ever will be. If you find yourself thinking negatively take a look around, breathe deeply and realize that none of your negative thinking is real. It only exists in your head. Like beliefs it’s all in your mind.

Too much thinking in itself is not a very good thing to be doing. It is certainly a factor where negativity is concerned; this is certainly something I have found.

Be positive about the path you are on, it may not be easy, however it doesn’t take much to change your life around and one way to help yourself is to stop negative thinking, treat it like a bad habit that you need to quit.

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Are you afraid of being successful? What stops you going out there and taking control of your life? Making a million (if that’s what you want). What stops you becoming everything you know you can be? Is it fear? Fear of losing what you have already, fear of the unknown, fear of putting yourself out there? Fear of change itself? Do you believe that you will not get what you want from life? If you do, stop that, and instead believe that it can happen and that it will happen. This one change in thinking can have a dramatic effect on your life.

Start believing you can make a million dollars, start believing you can live in the place you want to live in, start thinking about all the details, what it will look like, where it will be. If you start thinking that certain things will happen in your life your mind will start to look at ways to make them happen. Likewise if you think things won’t happen in your life your mind will look at ways to confirm this.

Do you really want to create change in your life or do you just want to be one of the herd, one of the many who bury their head in the sand to what is possible for them and their life? Do you want to be one of many or one of a few, the few who create unrivalled wealth and happiness for themselves?

“The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that our aim is too low and we reach it.”

Is it really so frightening taking charge of your life, as opposed to letting someone else or a company control and dictate it for you? Surely taking charge is something to look forward to and embrace.

It takes real guts to change your life. It’s easy to keep things as they are, or is it? Not many people stick their head out from the crowd and really create the life they want for themselves, after all safety in numbers right? Better to just go along with it like everyone else.

Fear will prevent you from doing so much in your life. Turn fear into confidence, instead of being afraid of what might not happen, be confident of the things that will happen in your life. Set your sights high, dare to dream big. Don’t put limitations on what you think you can achieve in life.

As an exercise; Picture if you will for a few minutes yourself as an old man/woman looking back on your life. How does it look? Are you happy with what you see? …….. You reached your potential. You never let anything get in the way of your happiness? Always living each day like it was your last. You were never afraid of anything. Nothing ever stopped you achieving everything you wanted and knew you could achieve? You were never your own roadblock to your success and happiness? And as you now look back, knowing that you are coming to the end of your life you can feel satisfied, happy and safe in knowledge that when you decided to take control of your life, you made a decision that caused great things to happen. You know now as back then that you were one of the lucky ones.

“There is nothing with which everyman is so afraid as getting to know how enormously much he is capable of doing and becoming.”

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How much of your time do you spend worrying, worrying about what might or might not happen in your life? I have heard that we spend most of our time either thinking about the past or the future but a very small amount of time living in the present. Worrying is pointless, it solves nothing, it can bring you down and causes you to live inside your head.

Worrying about the future?

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Do you ever speak negatively to yourself, maybe you put yourself down in front of others, or perhaps you have difficulty accepting praise? (maybe you don’t think you deserve it). These are all related to low self esteem and lack of self confidence. If you do, why? I am working towards eliminating this sort of thing from my life completely and would recommend that you do the same.

It simply does not pay to put yourself down when you are on a path of self development or self improvement. For every little success you have will be negated by the negative self talk or attitudes you have towards yourself. It’s like one step forward, negative self talk, then two steps back.

Wherever you want to get to in life, whatever you want to do, it is imperative that you become your own best friend first. Why bother with self doubt and loathing? Look where they have got you? Put them behind you, they haven’t served any useful purpose up until now and they won’t serve a useful purpose in the future. All they do is keep you stuck, in a self perpetuating loop of negativity and self doubt.

In what situations do you speak negatively towards yourself? Maybe you make a mistake at work and say to yourself ‘I’m an idiot, I always do this’? Or maybe you left the house one day and forgot to bring some important paperwork with you? Do you remind yourself that you are ‘useless person who always forgets things’? Or perhaps you say something even more severe?

What good does it do talking to yourself like this? You are essentially beating yourself up (at least mentally anyway). Do you feel better when you do this? It is like you have this deep belief that you are an idiot, and that this event (whatever it may be) has just proved it correct.

It’s not useful and it gets you nowhere. Instead it just leaves you feeling negative and bad about yourself.

In this day and age, time waits for no one, to be successful you need to be on your own side. You need to continually support yourself, through everything you do, it is important to give yourself praise when you make progress (however small) and not to berate yourself when things go wrong.

Remember this if you are having a bad day, or things aren’t going right for you, don’t beat yourself up, you are on a path, you have a goal, don’t get upset by minor things in life, nothing is really that bad. Don’t let anyone else define your happiness. Only you control if you are happy or not, nobody else.

Life can be hard enough without you being your own worst enemy. Always be your own best friend. Learn to accept yourself for who you are at any moment in time.

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