Create Change in your life

A story about re-labeling behavior - Sam always hated meetings at work, not because she didn’t like talking or that she felt self conscious, it was because (in her eyes at least) everybody at the meeting were a lot more intelligent than she was. Sure they worked in different departments, and they were bought into the company to do different jobs, but Sam just believed them all to be slightly superior to her, more capable and this always made Sam feel uneasy when at staff meetings.

You see everybody was supposed to talk at staff meetings, they were open discussions and everyone present was expected to participate. Most people did participate all except one, Sam.

One particular meeting was all about new strategies and ideas that they could implement on their current project which was currently behind schedule. It was a typical meeting, lots of brainstorming of ideas and as was common some well thought out strategies were being put forward. As usual Sam played the part of the careful observer, listening intently to what others had to say but not putting any ideas of her own across.

Nobody ever said anything to Sam, but she always felt uncomfortable and it was this feeling of discomfort which would really get under her skin. She would often think about it for hours after the meeting had finished. In her mind everybody else was more intelligent than she was. Their discussions proved that, as clear well thought out comments were always present in every meeting.

In Sam’s eyes it was because her colleagues produced clear concise ideas at the meetings that made them more intelligent than she was. This was what she thought anyway.

Sam thought about this for a while, she started to wonder what other ways she could look at their behavior? Was it true that because they spoke clearly at each meeting it meant that they were more intelligent than everybody else? Maybe it was because they had never been afraid to speak out that their ideas always seemed so clear and well thought out.

Could it be that they had been exposed to meetings more than Sam and so found it easier to articulate their ideas? What about if they were taken out of the meeting? Sam knew she performed just as well as her colleagues outside of the meeting room, it was just in the meetings where she failed to perform.

Did it really mean that because someone spoke up in a meeting they were more intelligent than those who remained quiet? Sam started to think that this was absurd, and rightly so, she started to come up with alternative conclusions for the behavior that her colleagues displayed in the meetings.

• They had more practice
• They weren’t afraid to speak their mind
• They were used to it
• They had done it many times before
• They didn’t worry what others thought

Sam thought about these new ways of labeling their behavior, rather than say they were more intelligent it made more sense to attribute it to more experience.

And so armed with this new way of thinking about her colleagues behavior Sam started to formulate her own plan for contributing more in meetings, she now knew it wasn’t down to intelligence but rather lack of experience, so little by little, speaking more in each meeting Sam began to involve herself in staff meetings more and more, and was soon not only putting forward her own ideas but also having them adhered to in the weeks that followed.

Sam felt great and no longer felt inferior or worried when a staff meeting was called.

admin Random Beliefs, change your life, motivate, motivational

Some thoughts for the day!

• You can only go as far as your thoughts will take you.

• Actions speak louder than words.

• Don’t let the past hold you back, it’s over and no longer exists except in your mind.

• Life’s short. If you don’t look around once in a while, you could miss it.

• If you think that the world means nothing, think about how you might mean something to the world!

• If it is painful to look back, and if you worry about the future, then just concentrate on making everything fine today.

• Don’t frown. you look so much better with a smile.

• The horizon leans forward offering you space to place new steps of change.

admin Random change your life, inspire, motivate

Can you occasionally be found procrastinating? What even is procrastinating? Well it is basically putting things off, being lazy (in so many words), not doing what you should be doing, finding excuses to do what you know needs to be done and instead doing nothing. I am guilty of this. If you do find yourself delaying activities or chores or anything productive for that matter, it pays to actually spend some time to look at what exactly is going on inside your head, i.e. the pictures you are making, the voices you are hearing and the feelings you are getting just prior to the activity or task that you need to be doing (it may even be just getting up in the morning). Some people may get a voice that says ‘You should go and do the dishes’, which often prompts the immediate response of ‘I don’t want to’, which leads to inaction, as nobody likes being told what to do, even if it is a conversation in your own head.

Other people may get an image or play a video of the activity, which may also prompt a negative response. For example a movie of yourself filling out your tax return (or some other equally tedious activity) is unlikely to fill you a rush of excitement to go and start the activity. One way to combat the ‘You should go and do such and such’ is with a softer ‘it will be nice when the activity is completed’ or ‘it will be useful to have this activity finished’.

This will then lead you to think about the activity when it is done, which should provide more motivation for you. Alternatively if an image or video of the task being done doesn’t fill you with motivation, then perhaps you could change it to a video of the task completed, and see how much more motivated you become. Think of the task as finished instead of the process of actually doing the task (especially if it is a mundane activity such as doing the dishes).

Everybody’s motivation strategy will be different and what works for one person may not necessarily work for somebody else. It is best to learn what goes on in your own mind, and if it is not producing the results you want, then change it.

admin Goal Setting / Motivation motivate, motivational

What is clutter I hear you ask? Well it can be both physical (untidy house) and mental (negative beliefs). Do you have clutter; well you might if you are prone to any of the following behaviors:

• Attached to old things out of fear of want, or reluctance to let go of the past

• Distracted from concentrating on the important work of your true desire

• Paying too much attention to unimportant things in your life

• Rushing so fast you rarely get a moment to catch your breath

• Are you self-indulgent and undisciplined?

Do any of the following drain your energy? If they do you might want to find a way to eliminate some of them from your life.

• Daily doses of doubt (self talk about being useless, worthless or how unlikely your chances of happiness and fulfillment are)

• Complaining as a sport

• Not saying ‘no’ when you need to.

• Not being self-reliant

• Over committing to others

• Under-committing to yourself

• Feeling sorry for yourself

• Tolerating people who work against you

• Messy house

admin Random change your life, motivate

When making changes in your life, a technique that you can use that can help focus your mind, as well as provide you with motivation is writing a letter to yourself. The letter is addressed to you at some point in the future, either 6 months or 1 or 2 years time. In the letter you write as if you are living your ideal life with all the changes you wish to make having been made.

Describe your ideal life in detail, where you live, your relationships, your work and the way you feel. Create a visual image using sensory rich detail and emotions. Write as if you are living the life right now in the present tense.

Write it back to yourself, don’t hold back or be reserved about what you have achieved, really let your imagination run wild, have fun with it, don’t sensor it because you think it is too unrealistic.

Write the letter as if it is from a happier more fulfilled you at some point in the future.

Some examples of things you might want to include are;

Dear Yourself,

• I am currently living in …
• It’s nice to have …
• I am …
• I never thought it would be like this …
• It just goes to show …
• Right now my life is amazing …
• I have managed to …
• I have many …
• Next week I will be …
• Just last week …
• I never thought life could be …
• My ‘####’ is really going really well …

When completed read it back to yourself and pick out a few things that you can start working on straight away. Have fun!

admin Goal Setting / Motivation Goal Setting / Motivation, inspire, motivate, motivational

How much time are you spending on creating change in your life? Are you spending time constructively or are you actually wasting time? And if you are, do you realize how this will affect your chances of success? When you know what you want to do, the next step is to start working towards making it happen. But how much time do you allocate to your chosen goal(s)?

Of course for a lot of people it depends on how much time they have. But do you actually need a lot of time? What about if you don’t have a lot of time, perhaps you have work commitments and a family to consider? Maybe you work 10 hours a day then have to come home and feed the children. Or are you one of the lucky ones who has many hours in the day to spend on your chosen goal.

But just how important is having a lot of time exactly?

I am not sure it is how much time you have but rather how you spend it that counts.

I think what is important is not how much time you spend on your goal each day, (although the more time you spend the quicker you will get to where you want to be) but rather how you spend the time that counts.

Just how constructive are you with the time you have?

Are you making monthly goals, weekly goals, daily goals or none at all and just doing stuff as and when you feel like it?
How much time do you want to spend on your goals?
Are you making enough time for yourself?
Are your goals really a priority for you?
Are your monthly goals being achieved? If not, why not?

Time becomes a precious commodity when you realize you aren’t getting any of it back.

This is important because it isn’t just about the time it takes to complete something, it is more than that. It is about showing yourself how committed you are to your chosen goal, it is about being more than just the words you speak, it is about understanding the long term gains to your short term movements / actions.

10 minutes a day spent actually doing something towards your goal is better than 1 hour thinking about it.

If you know something has to be done, why don’t you go and do it the moment the thought enters your head, rather than making a mental note to do it later, (unless you are driving or some other similar activity) because more often than not in the time that follows you will think of more things that need to be done, which will then relegate the initial thought further
down the list of priorities.

Become good at getting things done. Need ideas for a business? Spend time 10 minutes a day brainstorming ideas. Need to lose weight? Spend 15 minutes a day walking to the shops, or wherever. Need to learn Spanish? Spend 20 minutes a day with an audio CD, learning new words.

Learn to be more constructive with the time you have got, you may be surprised by just how much you accomplish.

If need be write down a list of 5 things that you must complete each day and make sure they get completed no matter what, doing this will ensure you are constantly moving in the right direction.

admin Random living in the now, motivate, This moment

To find the value of one year: Ask a student who just failed a final exam.

To find the value of one month: Ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.

To find the value of one week: Ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.

To find the value of one hour: Ask the lovers who wait to meet.

To find the value of one minute: Ask a person who missed a plane.

To find the value of one second: Ask a person who survived a car accident.

To find the value of one millisecond: Ask the person who won a silver medal at the
Olympics.

Time waits for no one.

-Anonymous.

admin Inspirational Inspirational, inspire, motivate, motivational

Are there things in your life that you should be doing but you are finding it hard to motivate yourself to do them? If it is all starting to seem like hard work, then try changing the words you use to motivate yourself when you need to complete a task. Try saying you ‘want’ to do something, instead of saying you ‘have’ to do something. For example most of us might say something like:

I have to do my laundry today.

You wouldn’t normally say ‘I want to do my laundry today’, although you might.

Or another example would be:

‘I have to get my groceries today’, not ‘I want to get my groceries today’

The above are every day examples and it doesn’t really matter how you word them they will still get done.

But what about using it with activities that we sometimes struggle to get motivated for, like going to the gym? Instead of saying:

‘I have to go to the gym today’

you would say:

‘I want to go the gym today’

or

‘I have to complete this assignment by Monday morning’

becomes

‘I want to get this assignment completed by Monday morning’.

or

‘I have to lose weight’

changes to

‘I want to lose weight’

Just changing the words ‘have’ and ‘want’ can change how you look at what you are doing. Try it and see if it works for you.

If you suffer with Procrastination from time to time, why not put off not doing something? alternatively say ‘There are things I want to do today’.

This way you can become more motivated to complete the activities you should be doing.

admin Goal Setting / Motivation motivate, motivational

What drives you? What gets you all fired up and ready to go? What could you talk about for hours? What are your motivations in life? Being motivated is having a clear picture of something you want in your life and having the drive and energy to take action to obtain it. To change anything in your life you will need motivation. Ultimately motivation is the driving force of everything we do in our lives.

Sometimes just knowing that your life is not taking you to where you want to go is motivation enough to do something about it.

See yourself in 5 years time doing exactly the same thing you are now, living the same lifestyle, inspired? If not get some fire in your belly and do something about it.

You have to look into the future and see yourself and see the things that you want in your life. What are your goals? Lifestyle, Financial, personal? How much better will your life be when you have these things? Just imagine how different your life will be in the future if you start to get motivated right now?

When we are motivated we are either motivated to move away from something or to move towards something. For example ‘I want to move to a bigger house.’ (move towards) or ‘I don’t want to work in an office anymore’ (Move away from).

I think it is important to be motivated to move towards something, something that you can continually work at.

You don’t need to go to college to learn motivation, you can have it right now, and it alone can do more for your success in life than any qualification ever can. When you are motivated you can find extra energy to do more, see more and learn more in your life. Without it you will stay exactly where you are. If you have no motivation to change your life, then take a look around, because nothing is going to be changing in your life anytime soon.

“The past is like a river flowing out of sight; the future is an ocean filled with opportunity and delight.”
-Anna Hoxie

admin Goal Setting / Motivation Changing direction, Inspirational, motivate, motivational

Have you ever been in a situation where you think somebody doubts your ability to do a job, and then you start to doubt yourself as well? Or maybe you just doubt your ability without anyone else involved. When somebody says to you ‘You can’t do something’, or ‘You’ll never be able to do that’, then that is just their opinion and nothing else, it is only when you start to believe such statements that it can affect your confidence and your outlook on life.

I know I can’t speak Korean, but knowing this doesn’t affect my life in any negative way. I mean if I want to I could learn to speak it. Just because I can’t do something doesn’t mean I won’t be able to in the future and it certainly doesn’t mean I am an incompetent person who can’t learn things.

As an example; Let’s say you arrive at work and see that you have a load of problems to solve ASAP, do you all of a sudden start to feel slightly apprehensive, maybe even a little skeptical of your ability to solve the problems? Perhaps before you know it you are sitting there feeling very unconfident. People can hear in your voice that you are not confident, you are speaking very slowly so nobody can hear what you are saying, you start to muddle your words and sound incoherent. It’s not a pretty site yet it probably all started with your own self doubt about solving a particular problem which then snowballed into huge self doubt, which then made the rest of your day miserable.

Even if you find yourself in a position where you can’t do something, you can at least state that in a confident way and move on with your life. At least be sure that if you wanted to learn something that you could do and just because you can’t do something at a particular moment in time doesn’t mean you should feel bad about yourself. A lack of self confidence in one area shouldn’t spill over to other areas of your life.

I don’t believe anybody can really affect your lack of self confidence the way you can. For most things that we are now doing in our lives, (that we can do competently) there would have been a time when it was the first time we did them, nobody is born with the ability to be good at everything. When we are young we haven’t learnt to be negative and so we don’t doubt ourselves when we start something new. Doubting ourselves and our abilities are all learned behaviors. We learn to be self conscious and insecure.

Only you can really decide how you feel about anything that happens to you. What will it take to have that inner belief about yourself that whatever you do you will do well and with confidence?

If you are faced with problems at work or in your personal life, I recommend that you break it down into smaller chunks and deal with one chunk at a time rather than see the problem as one big whole that has to be solved. Don’t let one little problem affect your whole self-image in a negative way.

Don’t let others decide how you are going to feel; what other people think is of no consequence compared to what you think of yourself. Speak positively of yourself, don’t put yourself down.

The only person who can affect the way you feel about yourself and your abilities is YOU.

admin Positive Thinking change your life, motivate, The mind