Create Change in your life

A story about re-labeling behavior - Sam always hated meetings at work, not because she didn’t like talking or that she felt self conscious, it was because (in her eyes at least) everybody at the meeting were a lot more intelligent than she was. Sure they worked in different departments, and they were bought into the company to do different jobs, but Sam just believed them all to be slightly superior to her, more capable and this always made Sam feel uneasy when at staff meetings.

You see everybody was supposed to talk at staff meetings, they were open discussions and everyone present was expected to participate. Most people did participate all except one, Sam.

One particular meeting was all about new strategies and ideas that they could implement on their current project which was currently behind schedule. It was a typical meeting, lots of brainstorming of ideas and as was common some well thought out strategies were being put forward. As usual Sam played the part of the careful observer, listening intently to what others had to say but not putting any ideas of her own across.

Nobody ever said anything to Sam, but she always felt uncomfortable and it was this feeling of discomfort which would really get under her skin. She would often think about it for hours after the meeting had finished. In her mind everybody else was more intelligent than she was. Their discussions proved that, as clear well thought out comments were always present in every meeting.

In Sam’s eyes it was because her colleagues produced clear concise ideas at the meetings that made them more intelligent than she was. This was what she thought anyway.

Sam thought about this for a while, she started to wonder what other ways she could look at their behavior? Was it true that because they spoke clearly at each meeting it meant that they were more intelligent than everybody else? Maybe it was because they had never been afraid to speak out that their ideas always seemed so clear and well thought out.

Could it be that they had been exposed to meetings more than Sam and so found it easier to articulate their ideas? What about if they were taken out of the meeting? Sam knew she performed just as well as her colleagues outside of the meeting room, it was just in the meetings where she failed to perform.

Did it really mean that because someone spoke up in a meeting they were more intelligent than those who remained quiet? Sam started to think that this was absurd, and rightly so, she started to come up with alternative conclusions for the behavior that her colleagues displayed in the meetings.

• They had more practice
• They weren’t afraid to speak their mind
• They were used to it
• They had done it many times before
• They didn’t worry what others thought

Sam thought about these new ways of labeling their behavior, rather than say they were more intelligent it made more sense to attribute it to more experience.

And so armed with this new way of thinking about her colleagues behavior Sam started to formulate her own plan for contributing more in meetings, she now knew it wasn’t down to intelligence but rather lack of experience, so little by little, speaking more in each meeting Sam began to involve herself in staff meetings more and more, and was soon not only putting forward her own ideas but also having them adhered to in the weeks that followed.

Sam felt great and no longer felt inferior or worried when a staff meeting was called.

admin Random Beliefs, change your life, motivate, motivational

Overcoming negative beliefs - Useful questions to ask yourself about your negative belief:

• Who says this?
• Do you realize this is just a map (your map) about the world at large? It doesn’t mean that it is true.
• When did you (or somebody else create this idea), what was the context?
• Do you really think that this belief applies to everybody?
• Did somebody teach you to think like this?

As an example take the limiting belief of - ‘My business won’t make any money’.

Where does this belief come from, is it yours or somebody else’s?

Of course not everybody would believe this. There are individuals and companies that make a lot of money. Have you always believed this or has this belief arisen out of something you have recently done?

Does everyone who starts a business think this way? Do you realize that this is just a map about the territory, and that it doesn’t make it true (or even real).

admin Random Beliefs, change your life

Imagine if you were to just let your future happen, imagine if you took a reactive stance to life. What do you think would happen, or perhaps a better question would be – what would not happen? Are you about to let your life just happen to you? Are you being dictated to by others, your boss, family, so called friends? Or are you in complete control of everything that happens in your life? Do you want something more than what you currently have? Is there someone you aspire to become; is there something you wish to have in your life?

There are some people in this world who are not living the life they want, and who do absolutely nothing about changing it, or making it better than it currently is. To these people everybody else’s life is the main attraction and they are a part of the audience taking it all in. They are mere watchers, dreamers, the observers of life.

If you met these people at any time in their life and saw what they had and what they did, if in ten years you were to go back and revisit them, they would have exactly the same life as when you first visited them, with probably exactly the same views on life, how it is all so unfair and how only a select few get to live they life they want.

These people watch life evolve around them but they themselves don’t bother to evolve with it, choosing instead to carry on with the way things are and have always been.

Ask yourself the following questions:

• Are you just along for the ride?

• Are you just an observer?

• Are you happy to be on sidelines watching other people?

• Have you given up on your life?

• Does it matter what you do while you are alive?

Your future will just happen if you let it, life will push you around if don’t stand up and take steps to do what is required to create the life you most want to live. Life is to be lived, every moment of it, especially while you have a healthy body and mind, both of which you should be using in ways that make your life the most fun and interesting it possibly can be.

admin Random change your life, Changing direction

Everybody happily makes a ‘to do’ list for all the things they have to do that day or week, either for work or for chores that need to be done around the house, but how many people make ‘to enjoy’ lists? A list for all the things they want to enjoy that day or week, or even month. If you are someone who has never done this before, then why not for a change when you have a free 5 minutes, spend time writing out your own ‘to enjoy’ list and see what interesting activities it brings.

admin Random fun, Happiness

If you ever feel sad through the day, ask yourself these questions and remind yourself of what you need to do to make yourself happy. What would bring me the most happiness? What would bring me joy? Then listen for the answers.

admin Random change your life, Happiness, inspire

“We are formed and molded by our thoughts. Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts give joy when they speak or act. Joy follows them like a shadow that never leaves them.” - The Buddha

“Inner darkness, which we call ignorance, is the root of all suffering. The more inner light that comes, the more darkness will diminish. This is the only way to achieve salvation or nirvana.” - The 14th Dalai Lama

admin Random Inspirational, inspire

Some thoughts for the day!

• You can only go as far as your thoughts will take you.

• Actions speak louder than words.

• Don’t let the past hold you back, it’s over and no longer exists except in your mind.

• Life’s short. If you don’t look around once in a while, you could miss it.

• If you think that the world means nothing, think about how you might mean something to the world!

• If it is painful to look back, and if you worry about the future, then just concentrate on making everything fine today.

• Don’t frown. you look so much better with a smile.

• The horizon leans forward offering you space to place new steps of change.

admin Random change your life, inspire, motivate

When is your life going to be great? When is it all going to start happening for you, tomorrow, 3 weeks from now, 3 years, or what about in 10 years time? How much time do you spend living in the future? Constantly thinking about a time when your life will be preferable to what it is now, a time when you won’t worry as much or perhaps will have more money.

Is this time will spent? I have heard it said that people spend as much as 97% of their time living in either the past or the future. Does that mean that only 3% of the time is spent in the present?

What exactly is wrong with your now?

People always seem to be striving for something other than what they have at this very moment, the mortgage to be paid off, the money saved so they can buy a new car, the summer to arrive so they can enjoy their holiday. Doesn’t this way of always living for the future set you up to be unhappy for a fair amount of your life?

I am not talking about forgetting the future and not make any plans or anything like that, it is just that when you live too much for the future the current moment becomes just a means to an end.

The future along with the past doesn’t actually exist except in your mind.

All that you ever have or ever will have is this very moment. Nothing you have done or will ever do will occur outside of your current reality (now).

“Did you know that you will always be able to cope with the now, but you can never cope with the future, nor do you have to?”

Eckhart Tolle ‘The power of Now’

Wise words, and reassuring to. For somebody like me who lives a great deal of his life in his own thoughts, either worrying about the future or re-living the past. It is nice to know that I never actually have to worry about the future, because of course it never arrives.

All I and anyone else has to do is concentrate on the ‘Now’ and make it as enjoyable and pleasant as it possibly can be.

You see it is all about living this moment right now and not constantly living in your mind, be it past or future.

So are you living in another point in time other than right now? Never mind your life 5 days ago or in 5 weeks time, get back to your life right now! What is wrong right now?

Life really is about the journey and not the destination, if your goal is to be wealthy that’s great, but if every day that you remain poor you are miserable and unhappy then what is the point of it all. Are you really prepared to let your life pass by in misery until sometime in the future when all will be well and you can start to live and be happy?

That point will never come, remember the future actually never arrives.

It really doesn’t make much sense to put all of your focus on something in the future at the expense of the present moment. I am not saying don’t have goals but the point is to realize that more effort should go into making your current reality better or more enjoyable than to think about, theorize or just plain wonder what the future will bring or indeed how you wished the past could have been different.

All that you, I or anyone has or will ever have is the present moment. Anything we ever do or achieve will always come from the present moment.

Nobody has anything to worry about at this very moment, that is the beauty of it. Most people are constantly somewhere else, always thinking about stuff, forever carrying thoughts around with them, baggage, you can see it everywhere around you, most people are miles away, head down completely lost in their own thoughts. I think it was Mark Twain that said ‘I have had many problems in my life, none of them real’, or something similar. Does that ring a bell? I know it does for me.

People spend a lot of money to get away from it either by going on holiday or something similar but unless you learn to be more present you will never be able to escape from your thoughts, no matter how far you travel.

Don’t always be at the mercy of your thoughts, when they start to run riot don’t let them take over your life. Learn to silence them so you can become more aware of your present moment.

If you are suddenly consumed by your thoughts, start focusing on your breathing, look around, observe your thoughts understand that the thoughts are not you they are separate.

Don’t always try to be somewhere else, if it starts to happen learn to bring yourself into the present moment, the more your mind attempts to take you somewhere else (into the future, or back to the past) take this as a signal to focus your attention into the present.

admin Positive Thinking, Random living in the now, This moment

Here are some strategies for dealing with the f word (fear). False evidence appearing real. Your imagination is very powerful and left to its own devices can come up with a very vivid scenario of things going wrong. The more you focus on this false scenario, the more it appears real. You need to replace this with a positive vision of yourself achieving your goal and to focus on this instead.

Don’t misread anxiety as a bad sign

Any change evokes feelings that are uncomfortable, that’s natural. So don’t always see unpleasant symptoms as a warning sign, as they are not – it’s just that you are doing something differently. Most goals and the changes they can bring, or the changes you have to make to reach a goal, can generate anxiety.

Look back at when you worried about things unduly

Look back at what you have worried about in your life. It’s easiest to remember the times that your worries have been justified. However, on many occasions your worries turned out to be unnecessary – nothing bad happened and sometimes the outcome was better than you could possibly have hoped.

Surround yourself with positive people

Find some positive people who can be inspirational and motivational. Talk to these people and as much as possible steer clear of dream stealers.

Use fear as a motivator for actions

Use your anxiety to identify the actions you can take and then act on these. Say to yourself, it’s ok to feel anxious but then do something that is going to help get you closer to your goal.

admin Random Self-confidence

Here is an exercise you might want to have a go with to help with any limiting beliefs you may have:
Write down what it is you want to do (goal, outcome, something you want to happen in the future):

• I want to do this ……..

Then write down why you can’t or the reasons (limiting beliefs that get in the way).

• But I can’t because ………

Then ask yourself the following questions and write down all your answers:

• What would happen if you could do it?

• What stops you?

• How would you know if what you are saying wasn’t true or how would you know if you were able to achieve your goal?

• How do you know that? (What are you seeing, hearing, feeling to indicate that it is not possible

• How does X cause Y (ie how does not having a degree mean that you are stupid?)

• How will you feel when the problem is no longer an issue?

An exercise like this is useful as it can help you see your outcome from a different perspective, ie it allows you to go into the future when the problem is no longer an issue. Give it a go and see what you get from it.

admin Random Beliefs, change your life