Create Change in your life

It is an unfortunate fact, but a lot of people out there don’t always use their mind in a way that enhances their lives. Instead they use it in a way that reduces the quality of their lives. If we don’t use our minds in a positive way than our mind will more often than not use us, it will dwell on negative issues and how things will not work rather than how they will work. In any event in your life, you will have a pre-conceived idea of how that event will go. Some of the time you will not see things going your way or you will see yourself performing in a less than optimal way in a certain situation.

You will either see pictures of yourself failing or you will hear voices telling you that it won’t go well, or maybe you will get a bad feeling about it. Whatever it is, this is your brain working against you.

It is good to notice when this does happen. Start paying attention to what is happening on the inside when you start to feel angry, nervous, worried, fearful, negative or self-conscious. When you start to understand what exactly is happening on the inside you can start to do something about it.

The first step is noticing what is going on inside your head to give you feelings that you don’t want. I have started to do this, and for me I find that I make pictures of the event and also sometimes hear myself speak about it negatively. Once you are aware of this you can then change the sub-modalities (NLP term) of your representation. For example if you hear a voice you can change the voice, maybe change it to a voice of Mickey Mouse or some other cartoon character. If you see a picture, and it is big, bright and colorful you could change it so that it is small, black and white and in the distance. This is known as changing the sub-modalities.

So the next time you feel your mind working against you give it a go and see if you can change what’s going on in your head so you don’t feel as bad or negative.

admin Mind The mind

We all have an identity, like a persona when we are out and about that defines who we are and how we act. In everyday situations, when we are out and about, or at work, who we believe we are or what we are capable of serves us well most of the time. We normally don’t change our identity, sure we change physical things or what we wear, new hairstyle, new clothes etc, but there are times when we sometimes need to change things on the inside as-well.

Identity only happens in the mind, it is why when you see a person for the first time, you can form an opinion of them or who they are, and this belief can be completely different to how the other person sees themselves. You may think somebody looks confident and self-assured and that they have they life together, but that same person may see themselves as a complete failure, and is quite negative about life.

We define ourselves whether we are consciously aware of it or not by the language we use. We all have beliefs about ourselves, I am a ….He is … They are … This is the way it is for most of us.

Many people don’t believe they can change who they are (at least on the inside). What we believe about ourselves doesn’t have to remain a belief forever. But it frequently does for many people, they are who they are and that is that. If everything is fine in your world and you are happy with your life, great, but if you are not then things need to change.

We live in a world where nothing remains the same, buildings crumble, cliffs erode into the sea, species die out etc. Look at the world we live in today, everything is changing, and at a fast pace, the atmosphere, the weather, society, nothing lasts forever and nothing will and this can include what you believe about yourself. You can change your identity, and it is done simply by the words you use.

Why is it that some people have no problem at all believing all the negative things about themselves but struggle to believe anything positive? Beliefs only exist in your head they are not real and you can change them to serve you better.

For example, most people are aware of the quote “if you think you can, or if you think you can’t you’re right”,

When we form an identity about ourselves, this becomes a frame which will govern all our thoughts, emotions and actions. If the identity does not serve you well then you might want to consider changing it so you can have a more positive identity to work from wherever you may be.

For example when you form beliefs about yourself and you capabilities you might want to consider asking yourself a few of the following questions:

What have you identified with here?
How have you identified with this?
Why have you identified with this?
Does it serve you well?
Does it empower you as a person?

Check out the following beliefs;

‘I am not clever enough to become an accountant.’
‘I am never going to become a public speaker; I am just not that type of person.’
‘I feel that because of who I am this won’t work.’
‘I am fat and destined to remain single forever.’
‘I’ve never done this before and so it is twice as hard for me.’
‘I cannot act; I’ve never done it before.’

How are these people seeing themselves, are they making it easier for themselves or harder? Some of these beliefs will have a real detrimental effect on the person’s life. The words you use are incredibly powerful, however for most people they are just words, but they have such a powerful effect on your mind and therefore your reality that you might want to start choosing them a little more carefully.

‘I am clever enough to become an accountant.’
‘I will become a public speaker, I am determined to do this’
‘I can make a go of this, there is no reason why this will not work.’
‘I may be overweight but I have many other qualities that I can offer someone.’
‘Although I have never done this, I enjoy challenges and I’m confident I’ll find a way’
‘Everybody can act including me, even though this is my first time.’

It is important to dis-associate from any negative self definitions you have about yourself. In life you will be faced with situations where based on the perception you have of yourself, you will either succeed or fail. Make sure you set it up (in your mind at least) that you win each and every time.

admin Mind Beliefs

Have you ever ‘tried ‘to do something, how successful were you? Have you ever heard or been part of the following kind of conversation?

Person A: “We are meeting up for drinks tonight, you should come.”
Person B: “OK, I’ll try and be there at 7.00 o’clock.”
Person A: “see you there, bye”

If you were person A would you be confident that person B was going to meet you at 7.00 o’clock?

I am not sure that I would be.

There is a real difference between trying to do something and actually doing it. ‘Try’ is a word that really does not convey much conviction or instill in others confidence that a given task will be completed.

“I will try and get this report finished tonight.”
“I’ll try and arrange a meeting later on today so we can discuss the progress we have been making.”

Imagine if you are a manager (maybe you are one) who says to an employee, “I need to have the documentation for this project finalized by Wednesday at the latest”, and you employee turns to you and says:

“Sure, I’ll try and have it done.”

As a manager this isn’t really what you want to hear. I don’t think any manager would walk away without having some doubts about whether or not the documentation would be completed.

Saying that you will ‘try’ to do something doesn’t install faith, either in yourself or others.

When we say we will ‘try’ to do something it is like we immediately have doubts about our ability to complete the task we are about to try and do. When we say it to ourselves are we even sure that the task can be completed, not to mention whether it will be completed or not?

“I am going to try and get a job in the fashion industry”
“I will try to learn some French in the next 6 months”
“I will try and pass my accountancy exams”

If you ever heard anyone say the above, would you have faith in them, would you put money on them completing their goals?

Would you be surprised if they didn’t complete their objectives?

It is like saying:

“Ok I will start this activity, but it may not happen so let’s prepare ourselves for the eventuality of it happening, as well as the possible of it not happening.”

Your mind is already starting to think about what to do when the task doesn’t get completed.

“I’ll try and finish this by 6pm’ next thing you say to yourself is ‘What excuse can I come up with when it isn’t completed on time”.

Use words like ‘Will’ and ‘Do’, these words have more affirmative intentions behind them. Saying you will do something has weight behind it; it is believable and focuses your mind to come up with strategies on how to make it happen.

“I will pass my accountancy exams”.
“I will complete this report by 6pm”.

When you say you will try something, do you really deep down believe you will complete it? Be more positive with the words you use, Show some confidence in yourself and allow others to see it in you as well.

To quote a wise creature from a famous movie ‘Do or do not, there is no try’

admin Mind The mind

Why is it that we are so often down on ourselves and our abilities to make a go of something even before we have started it? I mean way before we have even attempted to start something, I am talking about when the idea originally springs to your mind. Do you recognize this? Maybe you want more money, to work for yourself, to change your career or to become somebody different (lose weight, more confidence). All great goals, but yet when you get pictures of the things you want the most in your mind, you hear a voice that immediately says ‘It won’t happen’ or ‘It’s too difficult’ or ‘If it were easy everybody would be doing it’ or ‘come on be realistic’. Sound familiar? Does it happen to you? If it does it can be a huge roadblock to making any progress in your life.

Do you recognize any of the following traits in yourself from time to time?

• Self sabotage
• Self loathing
• Self doubt
• Self confidence (lack of)

I think it’s probably fair to say, although correct me if I am wrong, but anyone with the above traits probably would have real difficulties making anything worthwhile happen in their lives even if they tried. Life is hard enough without all of this stuff floating about in your head. It doesn’t matter how old you are, where you live, or what you do, we are all the sum of our thoughts. Success or failure all originate in our minds.

“Defeat is not the worst of failures, not to have tried is the true failure.”
George E Woodbury.

How on earth does anyone know that they will fail at something or not be very successful before they have even given it their best shot? How can a person be that sure, that confident that they won’t succeed?

It is only after you have given something your best effort, given everything you can to achieve something that you can be in a position to make judgment about yourself or your abilities, and even then it benefits no one by being down or negative about it.

But to say to yourself that something is not going to work before you have even tried? Why would you do that?

It’s like

‘I really want to do X’

‘But I probably won’t be very good at X’

‘So it will probably be best if I don’t even attempt to start X because I already know it won’t work out.’

No attempts, no day by day goals to attain X, no plan in place, no persistence, no action, instead just a simple statement to yourself that it probably won’t work (even though you would like to make a go if it).

To not try something at all, is complete failure, but to give something a go takes courage and guts, it should be encouraged and commended in anybody who does however old they are.

Instead of people being so sure of that they won’t succeed why don’t people turn this around and believe that they will be successful. Why would someone adopt a burnt out defeatist attitude before the race has even started.

You can understand a writer who has been in the business for 20+ years, and is still waiting to be published to have a certain negative feeling towards the whole thing business (perhaps). But to someone who has never even given it a go?

What does that really say about you?

admin Mind The mind

Four principles of NLP:

1. Know what you want. In any situation have a clear outcome of what you want to achieve.

2. Be aware and alert. Have enough sensory awareness to know when you are either moving towards or away from your goal.

3. Be flexible enough to keep changing your behavior until you get the outcome you want.

4. Take action now.

admin Mind NLP

Do you dream about what your future may hold for you? Or do you believe dreaming is just wishful thinking, and that your fate has already been decided for you? Have you already decided that what you do is what you do, you are who you are and that you must just accept your lot for what is and just get on with life? This is not the sort of attitude that I want. I never want to stop dreaming, I’ll always be thinking about what’s possible for me in my lifetime.

Some medical researcher will probably one day find some health benefits to dreaming (if they haven’t already). I think it’s healthy to get lost in day dreams from time to time.

The process of dreaming creates images in your mind, which should then

admin Mind The mind

So what is NLP? NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic programming, it is a model of human excellence, how the language of the mind is used to achieve results, it is the structure of how we do what we do.

Neuro - Nerves, pathways, neurology.
Linguistic - Language, the way we communicate, verbal / non verbal, conscious, unconscious.
programming - Strategies, repeated patterns of speech and behavior.

I have read books on NLP and listened to various NLP audio. I find the area of NLP fascinating. I think it is great tool for overcoming problems and creating a better life for yourself. In particular I would like to use it for overcoming negative beliefs, improving confidence and communication skills, setting goals and creating a better future for myself. I have just recently finished a NLP life skills course. The course was 10 weeks covering the following topics:

• Communication
• Rapport
• Representational systems
• Work / Life balance
• Outcomes / setting goals
• NLP presuppositions

Here are some useful communication beliefs used in NLP:

• Everyone lives in their own model of the world.
• Mind and body are part of the same system. What affects one affects the other.
• A person cannot not communicate.
• If what you’re doing isn’t working, do something else.
• There is no failure only feedback.
• The meaning of the communication is the response you get.
• If one person can do it, anybody can.
• Everyone has all the resources they need.
• Every behavior has a positive intention.
• People make the best choices available to them at the time.
• The map is not the territory.
• More choice is better than no choice.
• Respect for everyone’s model of the world.

Some of these can be very useful when applied to your own life, I particularly like; ‘There is no failure only feedback’, ‘If one person can do it, anybody can’ and ‘Everyone has all the resources they need.’

Imagine going through life, with the belief that failure didn’t exist, and instead of failing at things you just got feedback as to what worked and what didn’t. What about ‘everyone has all the resources they need’. What does this mean to you? To me this implies that we all have within us the ability to create any reality we want for ourselves. We shouldn’t have to rely on anyone else to change us, ultimately it is down to each of us individually.

admin Mind NLP, The mind